Dear Mr Walliams,
Hello, we are Year 4 from Old Buckenham Hall School in Suffolk and have the best offer you will receive today!
Our exciting news is we are going to reopen our Library and you are our second choice to open it! Unfortunately, JK Rowling was busy washing her hair so that left us with you. Raj from the newsagent is keen to open it, so you had better be quick in replying.
We know you are an incredibly famous author with a helicopter and a busy schedule but surely you could fit in a few hours to open the library. If you are lucky you may get a mention in the OBH mail newsletter!
We think you should open the Library because everyone likes your books and you are ‘quite funny.’ although Jeremy does prefer Enid Blyton. You can read us a story from your favourite book and we will offer you the Platinum Package tour of our school before you press your gold buzzer to open our library.
The school is very old and the library is being returned to its original room. This has a massive, roaring fireplace (no toasting of marshmallows) and very tall bookcases. The windows are very big and there will be window seats for us to read on.
You will be treated like royalty and the food here is fantastically delicious. There are also old trophies and lots of photographs for you to look at. Did you know the composer, Benjamin Britten, Charles Bowman, the Lord Mayor, Harry Judd, the winner from Strictly, were also former pupils at our school and they are almost as famous as you!
Mr Pascalides is our teacher and he once went out with two of your friends, Matt Lucas and Stephen Merchant for a beer, so you are practically best friends already! The opening date is in January and because you are such a jet-setting superstar, we can be flexible to fit in with your plans.
Get your people to speak to our people and we hope to see you soon. At the very least, could we have a signed book or photograph? We could put it next to Benjamin Britten.
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